Trial and Error
by robinscorpiofan
Summary: No matter how hard it got, she never really could leave, could she? Or, Beck and Jade eleven years after graduation.


Trial and Error

The first time she finds out she's pregnant, Jade freaks out. She's only seventeen, barely out of high school. She initially planned on just getting it 'taken care of' (_she hated that term, they should call it what it was- baby killing_).

By some coincidence, Beck tells her a story that night about the baby his parents aborted before he was born. He wonders if he would have turned out different (_better_) if he had had an older brother or sister.

Jade calls and cancels her appointment. Besides, there's always adoption, right?

The first look into that baby's eyes and Jade knows that she will never give her up. Beck had wanted a girl, she had wanted a boy, but the universe didn't work in her favor (_when does it ever?_).

Cat visits them in the hospital and brings the baby name book Jade had requested. They hadn't planned any names. Jade always avoided the topic when it came up, thinking that it would be so simple to just give it- _her_- away.

Cat tells them that there are little sticky notes on the names she and the gang like- green for Robbie, red for Andre, orange for Tori, and, of course, pink for Cat. Jade immediately rips out all of the green and orange ones.

It comes down to Lola (Cat's choice) and Savannah (suggested by both Andre and Cat). Jade finally tells them that it's Savannah Lucy and _no one_ is going to criticize her choice.

(_She doesn't say it out loud, but Beck knows that she thinks it's the perfect name and can't stand to hear that she's wrong_)

The first night with Savannah is the roughest. Jade's up once every hour (_Beck swears the baby only cried twice, though Jade insists it was more_).

When Beck leaves in the morning for his crappy mechanic job (_he's gotta support his family somehow, right?_), Jade and Savannah say goodbye. He can't help but notice it's the happiest he's seen his girlfriend in a while, even if she didn't sleep.

(_He's almost able to forget the attempted suicide after graduation_)

Savannah is six months old. He cheats, she cheats. They break up.

(_Were they ever really meant to be together anyway?_)

Savannah's second birthday rolls around. Now, they've got the two nine month olds. Sarah Grace is every bit her father's daughter, while Samantha Lily is just like her mother. Jade is still furious about the stupid S -first name pattern Beck had insisted on.

No one mentioned that they thought (_hoped_) Beck&Jade were now Beck and Jade.

They all laugh at Beck and Jade's playful fighting (_it's strange to see them _not _fighting now_).

(_They pretend not to notice the scars on Jade's wrists when Beck pulls her up to dance_)

When Beck gets a phone call about a movie, Jade is ecstatic. She gets the girls to make their daddy cards, and she even tries to make pancakes (_which she burns and Beck has to fix, just like always_).

They all cry when he doesn't get the role. It doesn't help when Jade announces that they're having another baby.

(_But with them, when did babies ever help anything?)_

Jade swears that if this one isn't a boy, she's going to make sure Beck has no more children. He knows she knows it's a girl, but doesn't say anything.

As he expected, Jade gives birth to their fourth daughter. She automatically says the name Scarlett Caterina (_it proves the theory that Jade _did_ know they were having a girl all along_).

Though Beck would never say anything to her about it, he knows that Jade favors Scarlett. Something in their little girl's dark curls and dimples draws her mother in the way her three older sisters had failed to do.

Savannah's four now and extremely jealous of her baby sister. Sarah and Samantha (_Beck insists on calling her Sami, partly because Samantha is too long and partly because Jade tells him not to_) are only two and completely oblivious to it all.

Beck wishes there was some way he could open Jade's eyes and make her see what everyone else did.

(_Even Savannah's unanswered cries for her mommy didn't fix the problem_)

This time, Jade actually _wants _to have another baby. It's like Scarlett completely opened up her eyes to what a child could do for you.

(_She may be only twenty one, but hey, if acting doesn't work out, why not be a mother?_)

They plan to start trying when Scarlett is six months old, wanting their kids to be pretty close in age. (_A sibling is the best friend you can have, Jade tells Beck one night. He knows she's remembering the little sister that her father killed when driving drunk_)

They finally, _finally_, get their little boy. Jade cries at the ultrasound. (_She swears its hormones, but Beck's seen her pregnant three times now and knows that it isn't_).

Jade complains of cramps. (_She had already decorated the nursery_)

He calls Cat to sit with the kids. (_Jade wanted the name Noah; Beck wanted to call him Scooter to fit the pattern. Jade threatened him bodily harm if he ever called their son a nickname_)

Baby's there. (_Jade swears that there's no God if she loses this baby, their only planned baby_)

Baby's gone. (_Beck cries when no one is watching_)

They agree that, from now on, they'll just stop using birth control and get pregnant when they're meant to be (_obviously planning a baby is too conventional for a couple like them_).

Savannah starts the first grade. Sarah and Sami have a fourth birthday party. Mommy's Princess (_as Savannah calls her_) is two and still at the top of the world as far as Jade's concerned.

Beck goes to the cemetery on the anniversary of Noah's death.

Jade locks herself in the bathroom and cries.

When Sarah and Sami aren't looking, Savannah tells Scarlett how much she hates her and that she wishes she had never been born.

Scarlett doesn't understand. (_Someday she will_)

Another baby. Another S-name. (_Jade had wanted Reagan this time; Beck fills out the birth certificate while she's sleeping_)

Beck and Jade bring home their fifth daughter, Sophia Rylan. Jade won't let anyone around the baby.

For the first time, Scarlett doesn't sleep in between her parents at night. Though they never tell anyone, when she asks Savannah if she can sleep with her, the seven year old pushes her to the ground. (_When Jade asks where the bruise came from two days later, they both play dumb_)

Scarlett doesn't understand why her older sister won't love her back.

Savannah doesn't understand why she wants her to. (_She never will_)

Beck knows Jade is at her breaking point. Seven years, six kids.

He has to go away for a movie. Something tells him to stay, but he doesn't. (_He wishes he had, now that he thinks of it_)

Jade tries to kill herself that night.

Sami finds her, Sarah calls the police, just like she had been taught to.

Savannah sees Scarlett crying. She tells her it's all her fault. (_Scarlett believes her_)

Beck comes home and when Savannah runs to him, he brushes her off. That's when she starts to hate her mother (_almost_) as much as Scarlett.

(_Her hatred only burns brighter when the nurses comment on how beautiful the dimpled little girl is_)

When Jade recovers, Beck is by her side nearly every second of the day. He becomes Mr. Mom.

(_He misses the spotlight, though he would never say it out loud_)

He learns a lot about his daughters, especially Baby Sophia. He wonders if he loves her the way Jade loves Scarlett. (_Savannah can see that he does_)

Beck starts a new routine. Wake up, make sure Jade is okay. Get the girls up and dressed, check on Jade. Get everyone in the car, take Savannah, Sami, and Sarah to school. Come home, check on Jade. Play with Scarlett and Sophia. Nap time, make sure Jade is okay. Get the little girls, pick up the older kids from school. Make dinner, talk Jade into coming downstairs. Eat, get the girls ready for bed. Make Jade go to bed, go to sleep.

(_He never thought that even sleep could be so exhausting_)

Abortion is his first thought when Jade tells him she's pregnant again.

She's gotten better since her attempt at suicide a couple of months ago (_though he still sees that faraway look in her eyes sometimes_).

Savannah's eight now and growing bitterer every day. At Sophia's first birthday, she smashes her baby sister's face in the cake. Everyone laughs (_except Scarlett_).

Jade asks if Beck thinks therapy would be a good idea. He agrees (_he doesn't want to talk to Jade about their problems, let alone a stranger_).

They end up fighting right before they go and cancel their appointment (_they never reschedule it_).

Jade's got postpartum depression. Beck knows it, Andre knows it, even Cat knows it. She refuses to go near the newest baby, Stella Reagan.

(_Though he'd never say it out loud, Beck doesn't want to leave the kids alone with her_)

Three o'clock in the morning. The bedroom door opens, light pours in from the hallway. Combat boots hit the floor.

Scarlett is pulled out of her bed, a blanket wrapped around her. She doesn't wake up.

A little voice calls out and Jade turns, seeing Sarah rubbing her eyes from the stairs. (_She doesn't know what to say when she asks her where she's going_)

A cry sounds through the house. Jade puts Scarlett on the couch and runs upstairs, picking up the baby from the nursery. (_It's the first time she's held her since they've been home from the hospital, even though she's already four months old_)

The stairs creak as she goes back down. She knows she can't leave them, but she can't stay.

Jade grabs the empty baby carrier and straps Stella inside. She holds that in her left hand and puts Scarlett on her right hip. Sarah still wants to know where she's going. (_She doesn't even know herself_)

Jade talks the six year old into putting on her shoes. She pushes her gently out the front door and towards the car.

(_She hopes that they can get away without Beck waking up_)

Beck knows something is wrong when he wakes up to an empty bed and realizes the baby never cried. After checking her room, he realizes she's not there. He checks Scarlett's, too, knowing that Jade would possibly go there.

It's empty.

After inspecting a little further, he realizes that Savannah, Sami, and Sophia are asleep in their beds, while Jade, Stella, Scarlett, and Sarah are missing.

(_He doesn't want to admit it, but he knows they're gone_)

He calls the police, begging them to hurry up so they can find his wife and children.

One year old Sophia is asleep in his arms.

Six year old Sami has her face buried in his leg.

Eight year old Savannah is hoping they never come home again.

(_Beck feels guilty, but he kind of does too_)

A week quickly turns to a month, then six months. No word from anyone. (_He even called Sinjin, and that's saying a lot_)

Beck knows they need to move on, but he doesn't know how. (_He hopes Jade's happy about the mess she's made of their lives_)

Jade's rented a cheap apartment in some little town in the middle of the United States.

Four month old Stella is finally bonding with her mother.

Four year old Scarlett is happy as can be. (_She hopes she'll never have to see Savannah again_)

Six year old Sarah wants to know where Daddy is.

(_Jade doesn't know what to say, so she says nothing_)

Oh, and Jade found out she's pregnant.

(_They really _are_ unconventional, aren't they?_)

It's been a year since Jade took off. Beck met someone new, a woman named Amie. (_Cat hates her_)

Savannah is still bitter. (_Why didn't Jade take her instead of the others?_)

Sami is starting to realize Jade, and her beloved sister Sarah, aren't coming back. (_She blames Beck; she heard all the fighting_)

Sophia is called Amie 'Mimmy' (_Beck knows she means 'Mommy'_)

He misses his daughters.

(_When he's feeling lonely, he can admit that he misses Jade too_)

Skylar Reese is exactly like Beck. Jade continued the cheesy name trend. (_She figured she owed him that much_)

She picked up the phone to call him, but hung up before it could ring. (_Why bring up old pain?_)

She met someone new, a man named Reed. (_He beat her_)

(_Maybe dating wasn't such a good idea_)

It's on his wedding anniversary that Beck realizes if Jade came back, he would take her in a heartbeat. (_He never expects her to actually do it_)

Sami's picked up the name 'Mimmy' too. Amie adores the girls. (_Beck wonders if she loves them more than Jade_)

He doesn't know what to do about Savannah. She admits she's glad they're gone, especially Scarlett.

(_She's too much like Jade_)

The rain drenched through their clothes. They were soaked and she was finally at her breaking point. With Skylar in her arms and the other three around her, she banged on the front door.

Cat couldn't believe the woman in front of her was her best friend. She pulled the kids inside.

Jade introduced her to two year old Skylar, and she was re-introduced to Sarah, Scarlett, and Stella. She couldn't believe they were nine, seven, and three now. (_Jade still has a soft spot for Scarlett, she notices_)

She quietly asks about Beck. Cat tells her about Amie. They're married now.

(_They've got a one year old son too, but she figures that part would push her over the edge_)

Jade pulls up to the house and sees kids running around the front yard. (_She can't believe he stayed here after three years_)

She recognizes Sophia immediately. She's four now, but absolutely gorgeous. She's playing with a little boy. (_Jade realizes Cat didn't tell her everything_)

Before she has time to drive away, Beck comes outside. He sees her and runs to the car, begging her to stay. (_He pretends it doesn't break his heart when only Sarah recognizes him_)

Beck helps the kids out of the car. He asks if Skylar is his. (_Jade lies_)

He asks how she's doing. (_Jade lies_)

He asks if she's been taking care of herself. (_Jade lies_)

He asks why she did it. (_Jade says nothing_)

(_She knows he'll never understand, anyway_)

Amie is less than thrilled about their dinner guest. (_She knows all about Jade, about the girls, even about Noah. Jade hates her immediately_)

Beck tells Jade that they have a son, Stone. He's a year old.

Jade can't help but notice the bitter looks Savannah sends his way. (_How didn't she notice them before?_)

At the end of the night, Jade has nowhere to go. Beck tells her to stay with them.

(_She's disgusted at the idea of another woman sleeping in _her_ bed with _her _Beck. But was he ever really hers? They were never married, after all_)

Jade considers running.

(_It's the smile that Scarlett gave Beck that stops her this time; even after all these years, she could never leave her beloved daughter behind_)

The truth everyone already suspected comes out. Sarah's not Jade's, Samantha's not Beck's. (_Was there ever really any doubt?_)

Shockingly, it's Amie that announces this. (_Jade knows she's grasping at anything to tear them apart_)

(_Luck may have never been on their side, but somehow, they always ended up together_)

Jade comes back stronger, admitting that Skylar is Beck's daughter.

They go to court together so he can adopt Sami and she can adopt Sarah. (_It's not like their biological parents were ever around anyway_)

Amie yells at Beck. The whole neighborhood can hear.

(_Beck knows it's just a matter of time_)

Unlike Jade, Amie doesn't take the easy way out. But she does file for divorce, and for custody of Stone. (_Jade hates that he carried on the S-name trend, especially since it was without her_)

Jade realizes she's a home wrecker. She tries to run.

Beck follows.

(_He always does though, doesn't he?_)


End file.
